Rum. Rum is good.

…

Continuing from here -

What happens when religion is used to justify misbehaviours are very thoroughly and clearly set out in PTerry’s 'Small Gods' and 'Monstrous Regiment'.

I feel like watching ‘Sweeney Todd’. Again.

*Throws up hands*

I need fanfic. Spirk, Sparrington, Snarry, Jooster, SW-humour, specially if the last has Yoda, Windu, the rest of the Jedi council, or even Palpatine and Darth Maul *Goes off on searches*

…

...


( HA HA HA !!! So SHADWELL's writin' quizzies now. And by the result off it --- I have traits of both a Northerner and a Southerner. Hmmmmmmm, as 'm Crowley, that'll do. That Will Do Very Well Indeed. )

...




Severus Snape

You clearly do not scare easily.
You want a man who is sharp, intellectual, cultured, and not too mushy.
Get underneath his cool, sarcastic exterior and who knows what treasures you might find.


Who is your Harry Potter love match? (for girls)
Brought to you by Quizilla

...

Which of the Valier (Silmarillion ~ LotR) are You ?

You are

Varda,
Queen of the Stars.

You are the most beautiful and powerful of all the Valier, and are most beloved of the Elves.
They praise you, and cry out to you in their need.
You are the spouse of Manwe.



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What Is Your Daemon?

BUTTERFLY

Your daemon may be a butterfly.
It is ironic that the butterfly traditionally represents the psyche, yet it is one of the least emotive physical forms that your daemon can take.
It is very hard to tell what a butterfly is feeling, and perhaps that is why you feel so comfortable with this form.
You have many, many friends and a beautiful soul, but you don't like to reveal what your innermost feelings are.
You aren't afraid to be yourself - you are vibrant and colourful.
But at the same time, you don't like to wear your heart on your sleeve.

Take this quiz!



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To which race of Middle Earth do you belong?

Numenorean


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( You scored as Special Ops. You're sneaky, tactful, and a loner. You prefer to do your jobs alone, working where you don't come into contact with people. But every once in a while you hit it big and are noticed and given fame. You are given the more sensitive problems. You get things done, and do what has to be done. )

Are you female or male? Male

Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

You scored as Eriador. Eriador is your home, the Elvish name. The Western Lands that lay between the Misty Mountains and the Blue Mountains. In which Bree, and the shire can be found. Rohan 83% Eriador 83% Lothlorien 83% The Shire 67% Fangorn Forest 58% Rhun 58% Mirkwood 50% Gondor 50% Harad 50% Mordor 42% Isengard 33% Moria 33% The Undying Lands 25% Where In Middle Earth are you from ? created with QuizFarm.com

Which planet are you? Jupiter Jupiter is the fifth planet from the sun and largest planet of the solar system.

Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

...

You Are 46% Evil

You are evil, but you haven't yet mastered the dark side. Fear not though - you are on your way to world domination.

How Evil Are You?

...



This was written in my salad lj-days for perposterice using one of mctabby’s memorable ‘Summery(summary ?) Executions’ --- "It's Shakespeare, people, and it's AWSOM!"


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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The Weird Sisters


SummEry : "It's Shakespeare, people, and it's AWSOM!"

Author : ajat

Rating : PG.

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Dramatis Personae

Minerva McGonagall, a cat Animagus posing as a Crone.
Professor Sprout, a magical Herbologist acting as a Witch.
Severus Snape, a Potions Master masquerading as a Witch, in his normal swirly flouncy BLACK robes and NOT in any kind of feminine apparel whatsoever !
Albus Dumbledore, the deceased ex-Headmaster of Hogwarts.
A Woman, an unnaturally blond woman who writes stories.
Lord Voldemort, a Dark Lord.
Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, students from Hogwarts School of Magic, etc., etc..
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Scene : An overcrowded living room with a large cauldron in the middle of the floor.

Enter three witches, one in something green, another in something nondescript, the third all in black.


Witch 1 : So, we meet again.

Witch 2 : Oh, but didn't we meet today morning at the staff meeting ?

Witch 3 (grumbling in a voice that reveals that 'she' is, in fact, a he) : Minerva, what possessed you to rope me into this ... this convention of weird sisters ?

Witch 1 : There are a multitude of reasons, of which the chief one is that you are the only one I know who actually enjoys mucking around with filthy cauldrons. I certainly wouldn't deign to touch one and Professor Sprout here, while perfectly at ease around the feistiest of Mandrakes and Devil's Snares, is actually terrified of cauldrons exploding into her face. Even cold ones.

Witch 3 : Huh ! Why am I not surprised ? With Longbottom as her favourite student ... Well, anyway, why don't you admit that everyone's convinced that you are as mad as a hatter and won't go with you to heaven if you asked them to on bended knees ? And so, here I am.

Witch 1 : Shut up !

Witch 2 : But I didn't say anything.

Witch 1 : Did you bring the things I'd asked for ?

Witch 2 : Yes, yes, here they are. (Hands over a bundle)

Witch 1 : Here, Severus, start your work.

Witch 3 : I shall do nothing of the sort ! You two cut them up into the right-sized pieces, and then maybe I will make the potion.

Witch 1 and 2 : Maybe !?

Witch 3 : Alright, alright, I'll do it. Go on, chop them up. Here are the instructions. (Waves a wand and closely written, almost unreadable instructions appear hanging in the air as if written on a transparent board)

Witch 1 (glares) : If anything goes wrong because we couldn't read the instructions, I'll scratch your eyes out.

Witch 3 (derisively) : Miaow !

Witch 2 : Oh, Minerva, let's get on with it.

Witches 1 and 2 start chopping things.

Witch 3 walks around, touching the surfaces of furniture, checking his fingers and looking extremely disapproving at the amount of dust he finds.


Curtain falls.
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Scene : The overcrowded living room with a large cauldron in the middle of the floor.

The three witches stand around the cauldron, which is smoking and occasionally, spitting. There is no fire beneath it.


Witch 1 : Severus, are you sure you are doing this right ?

Witch 3 : Shut up, you frightful cat.

Witch 2 : There, there, don't you two start now.

Witch 1 : Humph !

Witch 3 : Now, stand back, both of you. (Witches 1 and 2 step back hurriedly as Witch 3 drops a piece of purple fabric into the cauldron)

There is a huge eruption of multicoloured smoke and everything is obscured for a few moments, through which can be heard the coughs of two feminine voices and one masculine one.

Witch 3 : Bloody smoke ! Can't do without it, I suppose. Always making a bloody entrance ...

The smoke thins.

Dumbledore walks up through it, dressed in magenta and pink and neon green.

Witch 1 : Albus !
Witch 2 : Albus !
Witch 3 : (turns away, looking furious).


Curtain falls.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Scene : The overcrowded living room with a desk in the middle. Only the desk-lamp is on.

A woman, with unnaturally blond hair, sits at a desk piled with books, papers and a computer. She is writing industriously, with pencil, on paper.


Woman (throws down pencil) : Damn ! Just missing the damn thing every time ! A bit more and someone will sue me as a plagiarist ! I wish I had some original thoughts ! Like those fanficcers. Between them, they have used every plotline I could ever think of even before I thought of them ! Damn, damn, damn ! Last time I bailed myself out using breakfast cereals and the prime minister, dammit !


All the lights come on.

A man sits on the other side of the desk. He wears a deep-coloured, perfectly made suit and a hat which shades most of his face.


Woman : You ? Who are you ? How did you come in ?

Man : Do you not know me ?

Woman : Who the hell are you ?

Man : Dear lady, if you do not know me, then no one else will. I merely wished to ask you a few questions.

Woman : (aside) Possibly I could make an original plotline out of this. (to man) Just tell me, who are you ?

Man : I am ... perhaps you'd say ... your creation. You created me. (Takes off his hat)

Woman : Oh.

Man (his eyes blazing red) : Lady, you created me. Before you wrote me, I was in potentia, such that I could be, or not. You decided that I was to be. And then you made me. And, I have exceptional objections to the way you made me to be !

Woman : Speak English, will you. (aside) 'm prolly pissed. Too many sherrys. An’ 'm dreaming. (to man) Oy, that's a nice pair of contacts. Nice bit of laser projection thingy, too. Good show as Lord Voldemort. But you really must speak English, otherwise no one's going to understand you.

Lord Voldemort (rising from the chair) : I am Lord Voldemort ! (Waves hand, materialises wand, then writes in air before him in fiery letters) I AM LORD VOLDEMORT

Woman (claps) : Hi, that's a nice trick. Do you think you could do some shows ? With me ? We can go ... say, seventyfive-twentyfive ?

Dumbledore enters and approaches the desk. His robes shimmer strangely. He stops just behind the sitting woman.

Lord Voldemort (staring) : There he is ! The green spectre ! He now haunts me day and night, and assures me that he will do so for all eternity ! With lemon drops !

Woman (looks around) : Where ? Where ?

Lord Voldemort : Behind you, you unnatural hag !

Woman (miffed) : Hey, there's no need to call me names. Awright, I'll make it thirty-seventy, how about it, then ?

Lord Voldemort : You --- you are the perpetrator of this farce in my life. I ask that you alter it !

Woman : Are you sure you haven't escaped from some mental home or something ? I mean ... wait a sec, maybe I need to ring the police. Or maybe the hospitals ? Or something ?

Lord Voldemort : Your hands ! They are smothered in blood ! All the alkali from the Dead Sea will not whiten those hands ! And you dared create me with such hands !

Woman : Hmm ? No, it's ink, actually. And some indelible marker stuff. A spot of turp, and voila ! They'll be fine ! Writing's hard work, you know. Sudden inspirations and things. I always keep some paper napkins and marker pens handy.


*Diuerse alarums !*

Enter Harry Potter, with a large bunch of dandelions in his hands. Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger accompany him.

The three Witches enter and stop a little way behind the desk.


Harry : Professor McGonagall, I brought the dandelions as you'd asked me to.

Hermione : Harry, she said flowers, not dandelions.

Ron : Hey, what's the problem ? We brought whatever we could find.

Witch 3 : Moronic child ! Dandelions ? Could you not find something better ? Maybe some poison ivy which would, at the very least, give you a rash ?

Harry : Hey Snape …

Hermione : Professor Snape.

Harry : Shut up. I'll call him whatever I like !

Ron : Yeah, it should actually be Mud.

Harry : You're one to talk, Snape ! You murdered Dumbledore ! In front of me !

Lord Voldemort : Harry Potter. So we meet yet again !

Harry : Slit-eyes ! Not because I wanted to.

Lord Voldemort : Look carefully, foolish creature. No more slit eyes.

Ron : Hey, he looks cool, actually.

Hermione : Actually, quite intellectual looking. Handsome, really. I can see what Ginny saw in him.

Harry (throws away the dandelions) : 'm gonna kill you.

Lord Voldemort : I think not. Dumbledore is right there, go and talk to him instead.

Ron : Oh no. Oh no no. Harry, you just kill him first.

Harry pulls his wand out.

Lord Voldemort (waves his hand to materialise his wand) : Foolish children, do you think Lord Voldemort can be defeated so easily ?

Lord Voldemort and Harry Potter face off.

Woman (jumping up from desk) : Whoa, not in my living room, dudes ! Just go do this somewhere else, like the Trafalgar Square or something. Go on. Bugger off. Shoo !

Lord Voldemort (turns) : Avada Kedavra !

An actinic green flash fills the room with green smoke. There is a sound of wood scratching against wood.

When the green smoke clears, there is only the body of the woman in the room, lying on the floor next to the desk.

A genuinely amused chortle fills the room and the lights dim out as the curtain falls.






**********




Here's A Superb Spinoff From 'WEIRD SISTERS' By bluejeanphoenix ...

And A Marvellous Bit of Art, Too, By pinkelephant42 ...


Both Placed Here For Easier Ref. ...

...

SLYTHERIN ! You scored 52% Slytherin, 12% Ravenclaw, 8% Gryffindor, and 16% Hufflepuff!

Or perhaps in Slytherin You'll make your real friends, These cunning folk use any means To achieve their ends. Slytherins are known for their ambition, guile, and Machiavellian sensiblities.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 99% on Slytherin You scored higher than 15% on Ravenclaw You scored higher than 1% on Gryffindor You scored higher than 1% on Hufflepuff

Link: The Sorting Hat Test written by leeannslytherin on Ok Cupid

...



’Guards Guards’ …

The Patrician steepled his hands and looked at Vimes over the top of them.

"Let me give you some advice, Captain," he said.

"Yes, sir?"

"It may help you make some sense of the world."

"Sir."

"I believe you find life such a problem because you think there are the good people and the bad people," said the man. "You're wrong, of course. There are, always and only, the bad people, but some of them are on opposite sides. "

He waved his thin hand towards the city and walked over to the window.

"A great rolling sea of evil," he said, almost proprietorially. "Shallower in some places, of course, but deeper, oh, so much deeper in others. But people like you put together little rafts of rules and vaguely good intentions and say, this is the opposite, this will triumph in the end. Amazing!" He slapped Vimes good-naturedly on the back.

"Down there," he said, "are people who will follow any dragon, worship any god, ignore any iniquity. All out of a kind of humdrum, everyday badness. Not the really high, creative loathesomeness of the great sinners, but a sort of mass-produced darkness of the soul. Sin, you might say, without a trace of originality. They accept evil not because they say yes, but because they don't say no. I'm sorry if this offends you,'' he added, patting the captain's shoulder, "but you fellows really need us."

"Yes, sir?" said Vimes quietly.

"Oh, yes. We're the only ones who know how to make things work. You see, the only thing the good people are good at is overthrowing the bad people. And you're good at that, I'll grant you. But the trouble is that it's the only thing you're good at. One day it's the ringing of the bells and the casting down of the evil tyrant, and the next it's everyone sitting around complaining that ever since the tyrant was overthrown no-one's been taking out the trash. Because the bad people know how to plan. It's part of the specification,you might say. Every evil tyrant has a plan to rule the world. The good people don't seem to have the knack."

"Maybe. But you're wrong about the rest!" said Vimes. "It's just because people are afraid, and alone-" He paused. It sounded pretty hollow, even to him.

He shrugged. "They're just people," he said. "They're just doing what people do. Sir."

Lord Vetinari gave him a friendly smile.

"Of course, of course," he said. "You have to believe that, I appreciate. Otherwise you'd go quite mad. Otherwise you'd think you're standing on a feather-thin bridge over the vaults of Hell. Otherwise existence would be a dark agony and the only hope would be that there is no life after death. I quite understand." He looked at his desk, and sighed, "And now," he said, "there is such a lot to do. I'm afraid poor Wonse was a good servant but an inefficient master. So you may go. Have a good night's sleep. Oh, and do bring your men in tomorrow. The city must show its gratitude."

"It must what?" said Vimes.

The Patrician looked at a scroll. Already his voice was back to the distant tones of one who organises and plans and controls.

"Its gratitude," he said. "After every triumphant victory there must be heroes. It is essential. Then everyone will know that everything has been done properly."

He glanced at Vimes over the top of the scroll.

' 'It's all part of the natural order of things,'' he said.

After a while he made a few pencil annotations to the paper in front of him and looked up.

"I said," he said, "that you may go."

Vimes paused at the door.

"Do you believe all that, sir?" he said. "About the endless evil and the sheer blackness?"

"Indeed, indeed," said the Patrician, turning over the page. "It is the only logical conclusion."

"But you get out of bed every morning, sir?"

"Hmm? Yes? What is your point?"

"I'd just like to know why, sir."

"Oh, do go away, Vimes. There's a good fellow."

==============================================================================
==============================================================================


’Night Watch’ …

(Samuel Vimes ... on himself) ... Who knew what evil lurked in the hearts of men? A copper,that's who. After ten years you thought you'd seen it all, but the shadows always dished up more.

You saw how close men lived to the beast.

You realized that people like Carcer were not mad.

They were incredibly sane.

They were simply men without a shield.

They'd looked at the world and realized that all the rules didn't have to apply to them, not if they didn't want them to. They weren't fooled by all the little stories. They shook hands with the beast.

******

It'll come when you call...

All plans, all futures, all politics... were elsewhere. Vimes scooped up a fallen sword and with a weapon in either hand screamed wordless defiance and launched himself at the nearest enemy. The man went down headless.

He saw Snouty go down in the melee, and sprang over him to catch his attacker in a windmill of blades. And then he spun around to confront Knock, who dropped his sword and fled. And Vimes ran on, not fighting but hacking, ducking strokes without seeing them, blocking attacks without turning his head, letting the ancient senses do their work. Someone was slicing towards young Sam; Vimes brought a sword down on the arm in true selfdefence. He moved on, in the centre of a widening circle. He wasn't an enemy, he was a nemesis.

And as suddenly as it had come the beast withdrew, leaving an angry man with two swords.

******

Vimes remembered in slow motion. Some of Carcer's men ran at the sight of them, some raised their hastily reclaimed weapons, and Carcer stood there and grinned. Vimes headed for him, ducking and weaving through the fight.

The man's expression changed as Vimes approached. Vimes was speeding up, shouldercharging and thrusting other bodies away. Carcer raised his sword and took a stance, but there was no room for finesse in the melee and Vimes closed like a bull, knocking the sword up and grabbing Carcer by the throat.

'You're nicked, my ol' chum,' he said. And then it all went black.

==============================================================================
==============================================================================


’Witches Abroad’ …

(Nanny holding forth on Granny) ... " ... She always said you can't help people with magic, but you can help them with skin. By doin' real things, she meant.'

'I'm not saying she's not basically a nice person -' Magrat began.

'Hah! I am. You'd have to go a long day's journey to find someone basically nastier than Esme,' said Nanny Ogg, 'and this is me sayin' it. She knows exactly what she is. She was born to be good and she don't like it.'

******

Granny stepped forward, her eyes two sapphires of bitterness. 'I'm goin' to give you the hidin' our Mam never gave you, Lily Weatherwax. Not with magic, not with headology, not with a stick like our Dad had, aye, and used a fair bit as I recall - but with skin. And not because you was the bad one. Not because you meddled with stories. Everyone has a path they got to tread. But because, and I wants you to understand this prop'ly, after you went I had to be the good one. You had all the fun. An' there's no way I can make you pay for that, Lily, but I'm surely goin' to give it a try . . .'

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


’Carpe Jugulum’ …

(Count Magpyr holding forth on Esmeralda Weatherwax) … 'A most . . . interesting woman. An interesting family. Uncle used to talk about her grandmother. The Weatherwax women have always had one foot in shadow. It's in the blood. And most of their power comes from denying it. ...'

******

(Granny Weatherwax, after being bitten by the vampires) … And then, voices from her shadow.

'. . . Because of you, some died who may have lived. . .'

The words lashed at her, leaving livid lines across her mind.

'Some lived who surely would have died,' she said.

The dark pulled at her sleeves.

'. . . you killed. . .'

'No. I showed the way.'

'. . . hah! That's just words. . .'

'Words is important,' Granny whispered into the night .

. . . you took the right to judge others. . .'

'I took the duty. I'll own up to it.'

'. . . I know every evil thought you've ever had. . .'

'I know.'

'. . . the ones you'd never dare tell anyone . . .'

'I know.'

'. . . all the little secrets, never to be told . . .'

'I know.'

'. . . how often you longed to embrace the dark. . .'

'Yes.'

'. . . such strength you could have. . .'

'Yes.'

'. . . embrace the dark. . .'

'No.'

'. . . give in to me. . .'

'No.'

'. . . Lilith Weatherwax did. Alison Weatherwax did. . .'

'That's never been proved!'

'. . . give in to me. . .'

'No. I know you. I've always known you. The Count just let you out to torment me, but I've always known you were there. I've fought you every day of my life and you'll get no victory now.'

She opened her eyes and stared into the blackness.

'I knows who you are now, Esmerelda Weatherwax,' she said. 'You don't scare me no more.'

...







Congratulations, you are the personification of all that is evil.

Your hobbies include killing people, walks by the lake and torture.

But hey, when you're this powerful, who needs friends ?



*********

You scored as Lord Voldemort. Evil and power hungry, you strike fear into the hearts of all wizard kind. Lord Voldemort 100% Severus Snape 95% Harry Potter 80% Draco Malfoy 80% Remus Lupin 75% Sirius Black 65% Albus Dumbledore 55% Hermione Granger 55% Ginny Weasley 35% Ron Weasley 25% Your Harry Potter Alter Ego Is... ? Created with QuizFarm.com

*********

You scored as XIII : Death. Death is probably the most well known Tarot card, and also the most misunderstood. Most Tarot novices would consider Death to be a bad card, especially given its connection with the number 13. In fact this card rarely indicates literal death. Without 'death' there can be no change, only eventual stagnation. The 'death' of the child allows for the 'birth' of the adult. This change is not always easy. The appearance of Death in a Tarot reading can indicate pain and short term loss, however it also represents hope for a new future. XIII : Death 94% IV : The Emperor 88% III : The Empress 88% II : The High Priestess 81% VIII : Strength 69% I : Magician 69% XI : Justice 69% XIX : The Sun 69% 0 : The Fool 63% X : Wheel of Fortune 56% XVI : The Tower 56% XV : The Devil 44% VI : The Lovers 19% Which Major Arcana Tarot Card Are You ? created with QuizFarm.com

…

Results

Here are the results of the sorting test.





Slytherin

As a member of Slytherin, you use all your resolve and cunning to manipulate situations to your intent.
You have a thirst for power and will do anything to achieve your goals.



TOTALS

77% - Lord Voldemort

63% - Draco Malfoy

61% - Slytherin

51% - Severus Snape

43% - Albus Dumbledore

41% - Harry Potter

40% - Gryffindor

40% - Viktor Krum

40% - Minerva McGonagall

39% - Fleur Delacour

38% - Cedric Diggory

34% - Cornelius Fudge

29% - Colin Creevey

28% - Ron Weasley

27% - Hermione Granger

27% - Rubeus Hagrid

27% - Cho Chang

26% - Ravenclaw

21% - Hufflepuff

21% - Ginny Weasley

18% - Neville Longbottom

Created using TheQuizzery.com by www.jamiefrost.co.uk.